woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
