tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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