I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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