My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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