he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Your penis caused this!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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