i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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