a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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