I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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