i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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