I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Success! We fucked roommates!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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