no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My vagina is officially offended.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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