He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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