Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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