I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
