dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
