We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
