this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
