so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
