one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
