Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
