I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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