If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
