if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
