the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
