I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
