i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
