Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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