Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
