I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
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