I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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