I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
