3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
