whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
