Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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