Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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