I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
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