I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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