Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
