Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize