The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
