wakey wakey hands off snakey
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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