i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
