omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
