Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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