Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
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