# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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