what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
