why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
