I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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