I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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