all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
