I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
