i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
