U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
