I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
