I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
