you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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