im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He passed out mid-signature
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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