I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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