Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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