I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
