Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
