i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize