Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
