help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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