i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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