i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
