It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
