I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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