i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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