So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Help me help you realize you are a moron
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
