omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize