i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Randomize
