i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
