dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
