well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
