I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
