yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
