I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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