i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
