Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's blow job season.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
