carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
