jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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