My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
