I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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