so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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