She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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