He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
