on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize