pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
