CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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