I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
