Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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