I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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