I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
